I BEEN HAVING DREAMS WITH CELEBS IN THEM FOR LIKE 2 DAYS IN A ROW WHAT IS HAPPENINGGGGGDay 1 it was with Rihanna... I was with William and then we met up with Rihanna at this mall. Then we all went to the beach. The waters were so blue it was so beautiful. And for some reason I now know how to swim. Not that I’m complaining but yea... I would never enter salt water but god it was so beautiful. Then we see this sea cave and we decided to sit there for a bit. Just at the rocks... no body went in. We were all chatting and having a fun time. Then suddenly I let go of everything and started to fake float and let the waves carry me. I closed my eyes for a bit as it carried me and when I open them for a second, I saw No Face from spirited away. Don’t know what that means but the next thing I know, William was pulling me back to the cave.
Day 2... this just happened and it’s still somewhat clear in my head. I don’t exactly know where we are but we were definitely somewhere. It started with Chanyeol bringing out this mattress and I was unrolling it with him. Then we were in this room and there were 3 beds. Jenny was there too. Jenny was sleeping with Seng. I was sleeping with Chanyeol. Chanyeol spoke English.. it was weird. And then I’m not sure who’s in the middle... probably William because I’m sure he was in there too. I was kinda like HMM WHY ISNT SENG SLEEPING WITH ME and I kept looking over but we all are all just taking a mid day nap. Chanyeol was all like trying to hold me and stuff and I’m like omg noooo I was suppose to sleep with Seng and do that with Seng okay pls b a c k u p!! But anyways I think I woke them up and then everyone got up and I was the last one and Seng came over and was like ‘Come on, it’s Seng Day, get up.’ In my head I was like huh what chu mean? Is it your birthday? Huh?? But yea I dunno man. Next thing I know is William was talking to someone and I overheard something about why is Seng back so early? And apparently it’s ‘they don’t want him.’ Huh who don’t want him tho??? Who knows. Seng had a buzz cut and it makes me think.. is this young Seng.. cuz the Seng now would never just shave all his hair off. Then it just transitioned to this place for food where the food is limited and once it’s sold out, and when it’s out, the vendor is done for the day. I was hooked on this one dish that’s like toast and cake combined and somehow my sister was there too. We already had some and was going back for seconds when they kinda ran out... they were so eager to see if there are cooked cakes in there that they took a butcher knife and started cutting the cardboard boxes. Most of them came out to be just cake mixes, not the actual cake. ...and we were all just there watching... I think they cut open like 3 boxes of cake mix before they found a box with actual finished cakes in them. But even then.. they were too eager to serve them that they dropped like a few slices on the floor.. which I felt really bad for but yea that’s about it. I was still in line waiting there even tho they let 5 people into the vending area for the cakes.. we just stood in line but we were next tho. Then someone was tugging onto my belt loops of my jeans/shorts and it was someone I know. Forgot their face and name but it’s definitely someone I know. We exchanged greetings and they ordered this strawberry jello cake and they left. Me and my sister was still waiting on the cake... Then I realize it’s time to wake up and fuck the cake.. so I woke up and... that’s that.
All of this is really weird. It’s like.. I’m meeting the younger versions of them and I’m hanging out with them with an older personality me. I would have never been like this in high school.. let alone having friends to go on get away trips like this. I really missed out on the great things in life, when I think about it. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I wasn’t so affected by my mental health. I would definitely had more connections with people and a more outgoing person in high school. Who knows? I’m no longer that bitch from her high school years anymore. I’m tryna make it work in the real world.
But if I’m being real honest tho.. I don’t think I’ve been okay ever since depression first hit me. I’m okay sometimes... but I think it really fucked me up big time. I can no longer do things long term. I don’t know what’s happening. But that’s the one thing that I know about myself.
